George Bush Sex Flop Shock: Killjoy Bested by Hormonal Surge

Junior Bush's megabucks campaign to stop the young'uns from gettin' nekkid has gone all flaccid, the Guardian reports. Seems the L'il Preznit's sweaty obsession with teen sex – a predilection which first manifested itself publicly when he was governor of Texas – has done exactly zilch to quell the desire of young human beings for each other's bodies. A major new study of the "abstinence programs" that Bush has bankrolled in America's schools – a profitable pork funnel through which he has moved massive amounts of public money to his favorite religious cranks, including the Moonie cult (a bit of quid pro quo for the hundreds of thousands of dollars that the Moonies have given directly to Daddy Bush and Babs for shilling at various Moonie functions) – shows that they produce no greater levels of sexual indifference than traditional sex education programs; i.e., the ones where they actually tell kids how to avoid pregnancy if they are unable to pervert the intelligent design that God has placed within them to get jiggy with it until they replicate their DNA.

Not to worry, though. Informed sources tell Empire Burlesque that Floppy George has come up with a brand-new, sure-fire sexual abstinence program: a law requiring every American to hang a big ole portrait of him in their bedrooms. That'll certainly put 'em off.

From the Guardian:
It's been a central plank of George Bush's social policy: to stop teenagers having sex. More than $1bn of federal money has been spent on promoting abstinence since 1998 - posters printed, television adverts broadcast and entire education programmes devised for hundreds of thousands of girls and boys.

The trouble is, new research suggests that it hasn't worked. At all.

A survey of more than 2,000 teenagers carried out by a research company on behalf of Congress found that the half of the sample given abstinence-only education displayed exactly the same predilection for sex as those who had received conventional sex education in which contraception was discussed.

Mathematica Policy Research sampled teenagers with an average age of 16 from a cross-section of communities in Florida, Wisconsin, Mississippi and Virginia. Both control groups had the same breakdown of behaviour: 23% in both sets had had sex in the previous year and always used a condom, 17% had sex only sometimes using a condom; and 4% had sex never using one. About a quarter of each group had had sex with three or more partners.

Since his days as governor of Texas, George Bush has been a firm advocate of abstinence education programmes, which teach that keeping zipped up is the only certain way to avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, and that to deviate from the norms of human sexual activity is to risk harmful psychological and physical effects. "Abstinence hasn't been given a very good chance, but it's worked when it's tried. That's for certain," he said.

But even in 1990s Texas, where Mr Bush spent $10m a year on abstinence education, the state had the fifth highest teen pregnancy rate in the US. Over the past six years he has stepped up the programme to more than $100m a year. He recently braved ridicule by extending it to adults aged 20-29, an age range in which 90% of people are sexually active.